I  was a bit tipsy the other weekend and I asked this gurl out for a drink and she looked at me w/ complete disdain and told me I should comb my hair. That's pretty funny, right? Probably just as well, she didn't like the RAMONES and she goes to discos instead of punk shows, so it would never have worked out. So I didn't think any more about it and me and my friends had a good laugh at how scruffy we all are (well, if 'scruffy' is Levi's and Chucks and MTX tee shirts) and then wouldn't you know it, every time I've seen her since, in the boozer and at peoples' houses, she's been really nice to me and all flirty and stuff. Women - what's that about? Of course I didn't take the bait, if she don't wanna go see the TEEN IDOLS or whoever then she can forget it. But why are women so funny? It's an age-old problem and any correspondence regarding any answers to these perpetually perplexing issues would be greatly appreciated. And of course women think the same things about blokes. Guess it's all part of the fun. And anyway, there's more chance of me getting signed up to play bass for DeeDee's band than there is of getting a comb thru my mangled mass of hair.

It's weird how people base so much on appearance. I never think about it, my friends never think about it, but it's happened thousands of times over the years when people have either called me a 'gurl' (no shame in that, even if gurls are strange!) or a 'hippie' (well, that's OK too, I've got nothing against hippies) or they think I'm into fucking heavy metal (gotta draw the line there), or old ladies look scared when I ask them the time or whatever. I get into these conversations w/ people sometimes, on the bus on the way back from the pub or when I'm bussing into town in the afternoon and I'm a bit crazed, just middle aged women or doddery old men, and they all seem really surprised that just cuz I've got holes in my jeans and gurly hippie knackered old dreadlock hair and stuff that I can actually hold a conversation, that I'm not effing and blinding and trying to mug them. And I like that, I like destroying peoples' stereotypes and prejudices, I like to think they'll go home and say 'oh, I met a nice young man on the bus today, he looked a state but he was very polite' or something. It's far more fun doing that than just trying to be a PISTOLS punk and setting out to shock the world, when in reality the world's seen it all before and just doesn't care any more.

I also like the fact that out of all the people I know and people I run into at shows who I speak to on the phone and write to and friends of mine and stuff, probably 80% of them don't look like a 'punk'. Not that I don't like that generic mohican look, I'd have had one if I'd had the balls, but it's just cool that nobody seems to feel they have to try and make a statement thru their clothes, that they have to fit in to some 'punk' look. That's what it's supposed to be about, isn't it? Just being who you are, looking the way yr supposed to cuz it feels right, even tho it means sexy disco gurls won't give you the time of day, that 'Sackcloth & Ashes' thing, and even tho it means 'proper' punks at punk shows look at you like yr a freak cuz you don't have a 15 year old leather jacket covered in Tippex logos of crap bands who sucked in 1982 and still suck now. It's primarily an English thing, of course, or at least it was in the beginning - the RAMONES and the STOOGES were about music, the PISTOLS and X-RAY SPEX were just as much about image and clothes and art. Which is all well and good, it just isn't compulsory. It's all too fragmented now anyway, so many 'youth cultures', so much crossover, and it's far better that way. Now it's fine to admit that you like the BEASTIE BOYS and ALL SAINTS (or maybe that's just me) as well as the once-again mighty NOFX and always-fab SCREECHING WEASEL, it's more fun and more interesting (metal crossover aside, and all that ska stuff) to mix and match, get ideas from further afield and use them to make yr own thing better. The more diversity the better, the more different people pulling together the more fun it'll be for everyone.

So y'know, all things considered, I'd far rather prefer spending another evening in the boozer w/ my 'scruffy' dateless amigos than look like some greasy haired, slacks-wearing sap who earns a lot of money and has some highly foxy but usually (from our experience, anyway) totally clueless short skirt-wearing gurlfriend. Honest. These people are old at 18. Us, me and my friends and probably you too, we happily managed to avoid growing up and conforming and towing the line, I'll never have any money and I'll never date someone who looks like a movie star but y'know what? I'll never feel that emptiness and desperation when I look back at my life and wonder where it all went, wonder what happened to the fun times and the stupid times and the secret meetings and the time that gurl said we looked stupid and that time we got drunk and puked out the car window on the way home and the time we all got thrown out of the gig cuz we were tripping too hard. Why? Cuz it'll probably happen again next week, we'll be doing what we want, not working for the Man, getting that raise and kissing that butt and going home to the kids and the mortgage. Our lives continue being exactly what we want them to be. Rich? No. Happy? Forever. If this is immaturity then hand me the Pampers, baby.



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