Everyone knows one, or has met one, or like me has had the misfortune to work with one.
What? I hear you ask, 'A seen it, done it, been there' type of person, you know if you've been to the moon they've been there twice!

Amongst this guy's many claims to fame were drumming for Roy Orbison, though sometimes he said it was Roy Castle (you have to have a good memory when you're a bull- shitter), abseiling down British Telecom Tower, canoeing on the Grand Canyon, bouncing for Elkie Brooks and Tommy Cooper and many, many more things.
Not only was he 'A seen it , done it, been there' he was also a pervert.
You know girls one of these who presses himself and his groin up against you when they are passing you, always putting their arms around you, talking dirty either to shock or scare you or just to turn himself on and trying to 'impress' you with tales of women 'throwing' themselves at him (in his dreams).

He was the sort who thought if you wore a short skirt or any skirt come to that, that you were definitely asking for it.
That's the kind of nice guy we are talking about, to put it bluntly a complete dickhead.

Well we got our revenge on him in the end in a harmless enough way and it certainly brightened our day up a bit…
Every tea break there was a selection of 'newspapers' and magazines to peruse with your beverage to make you even more braindead than you were before tea break.
Amongst these goodies was the excellent 'Daily Sport' which was fought for nearly every day by all the 'red-blooded' males we worked with.
'Seen it, done it, been there' made out he wasn't interested in all that, but he had been caught on many an occasion quickly replacing a 'newspaper' on the coffee table looking slightly oh so flushed and a bit sweaty on his face and god knows where else, ( I dread to think!).
To piss him off, us girls used to look through the 'Sport' and read the readers stories in there which were very funny and obviously made up, this really used to get him angry and he used to ask us why we wanted to look at it (god forbid we might be lesbians, possibly another one of his many fantasies).

Well that day we'd had enough and decided on a bit of fun.
We photocopied a photo of the biggest breasted woman we could find and believe me we had a vast choice. We plastered them at various points where he worked around the room and with the last copy we had left we carefully placed it in a waterproof plastic cover and stuck it on the back of his car with a large piece of card also wrapped in a plastic cover with the words " Honk, if you like them bigger!" written in black marker pen.
All afternoon passed and we thought he'd notice it but he didn't.

The end of the day came and we thought he's bound to notice it as he got in the car to go home or we thought someone would have told him, but no to our delight and laughter he drove off with this woman still firmly attached to the rear of the car.

Next day when we went in he said he didn't find it funny and that he had gone straight from work to play bowls at the leisure centre which was some miles away, got a takeaway on the way home, been parked at various spots around the town and sometime near midnight had been pulled over by the police and fined £25 on the spot for obstructing his brake lights.
He had the cheek to ask us for the cash and we told him where to go, everyone we worked with said it couldn't have happened to a nicer bloke. He was as hated by the men there as by the women. It didn't really change him though, he was quiet for a few days afterwards, but soon got back into his old 'Seen it, done it, been there' ways. We felt a hell of a lot better though. Revenge is sweet….

On a final note I'd just like to say thanks to everyone who's written to myself and Rick congratulating us on expecting our first baby, it is very kind of everyone. I personally can't wait for the baby to be born and I'm very excited at the prospect of been a mom. That's all for now until next time.

Sam

E-mail: sam@happy-house.org.uk