Before I start I wish to express a mighty wholesome "Well done" to Rick and Sam for the excellent last issue of HH. It's always been a top read since day one but the last issue was nothing short of exceptional. Mine aside, I think the columns are just about the best among the current crop of English underground publications that go with the column writing trip. For me personally, as a writer (ahem) and as a person who is interested in other's personal opinions and stories, I love reading columns in punk rock magazines, it's one of the last bastions on un-censored self-expression and within the punk rock scene there seems to be a definite shift in writing about very personal matters and I like that. Basically I couldn't give a topless hand shandy about what American bands are hip and trendy and what they have to say, now don't get me wrong, I actually spend 85% of my music listening time absorbed in US bands and I still believe that the best contemporary bands in the world hail from America ( you can totally disagree on that as it's only my personal preference wailing here) but for me, when it comes to fanzines, I always go to the columns first as it's of greater interest to me as a reader and I find them inspiring, stimulating and honest.
No matter what the main agenda is, there is always the trait of the writer shining through and it's a good insight into the lives, ideas and opinions of other individuals who are primarily into the same "thing" as me. I'm not saying that we'd all get along just dandy in a lifeboat for several days, but for me there is a respect and a connection I feel with so many other column and zine writers. But maybe it's just me, perhaps I'm just a little soft in the head these days and I'm wrong, I hope that I'm not. I've met a couple of the other HH columnists, Tony's a dear friend of mine and someone I have the utmost respect and time for, Wolfie is just a music junkie who is a blast to hang out with, he's the busiest unemployed bum I know! Russell I know only from cool letters exchanged and I really like where he's coming from.

In fact he's one of the people I know through the mail that I'd like to meet up with to discuss pornography, sexual fantasies and get drunk with! I just identify and enjoy what he writes about, I think we'd get on pretty dandy.
I don't really know too much about the others, I enjoy Jane's columns (as I used to in Real Overdose) as the stripping/erotic trip is something I know zilch about but to read about it in an intelligent manner is more than interesting. I've only ever spoken to Rick on the telephone but I recall him being very upbeat and positive and his columns reflect that. I like all the other columnists too but I know very little about them aside from what I read and I like what I read. I just felt that I had to make that point, so thanks guys and gals for the cool reading matter.

I'll just add my penneth worth to this whole Rick/Wolfie age trip. Listen guys, I'm thirty years old this January 4th, yep I've hit that "oh-so scary big 3-0" and who cares? I certainly don't, I wouldn't trade the education that I've attained, the knowledge that I now possess and the experiences that I've had for anything, they are my make-up and they are who I am. There's plenty of 18-year-olds who are older than myself, it's not like I'm retarded or anything, I'm a fully fledged adult but I never ever believed that being an "adult" meant being pathetic, braindead and conservative. I may be an "old man" compared to a lot of punkers out there today but I'm no jaded old fogey with a hatred for those younger than me, hell I'll whip most of yer asses anyway, be it running a mile (or 26), benching some weights or a good old-fashioned fist fight, I'll even outdance any of you scamps at a punk show, I'm fit, in line, out of step and ready to rock… you'll get old before me and that's a fucking promise!
I'll leave you face down in the dirt and fly to the moon with your teenage girlfriend, shit you better believe it. Now where'd my cup o' tea go?

Now that I've completely alienated everyone under 25 I'll move onto something different, that last little bit was a joke right? Better clear that up cuz if you take it seriously and take offence then I will kick yer stupid ass alright? So I've been working for near on ten years now, but by the time you read this I'll be unemployed as I'm taking voluntary redundancy anytime soon. That sucks right? Well I don't know, I care about my future but after a few years of discontentment doing the "same old thing" I really need a new direction and some new challenges. I have some ideas as to what I want to do, from the childhood ambition of wanting to be an actor to the teenage-going through-to-the-present dream of wanting to be a writer. Now whether or not either of those avenues will open up for me is down to me and some luck. I have a book written and a manuscript winging its way around a few publishing companies, I have already started work on a second book and I'm toying with the idea of doing freelance stuff with a few mainstream publications as well as retaining my interest in writing within the realms of what we call punk rock.
I never wanted to be a billionaire (wouldn't mind a crack at it though), I am tempted by the lure of fame and personal success but I have simple needs and desires, I just want to be a good person to those around me and I hope that those people respect me as I respect them. I like to trust and I need to be trusted. If I can retain those fundamental values and codes throughout whatever path I take then I will know that I've done the right thing. We'll just have to wait and see.

One last thing, I've read a couple of fanzines lately where the issues of "sexism" in punk has been addressed. Now as a male do I have a right to an opinion on the matter? As worthless as it is, I think I do. "We want more girls at punk shows" is the equality battle cry, well the cry of the male punkers anyway. Me? Well I don't care, as a guy I like to see a venue filled with girls, it doesn't happen too often and when it does I'm not some dick-led sexual retard walking around with an open mouth and a raging boner in the front of my 501's. I'm not attending a punk show to scam on the girls, I try to enforce my own beliefs of equality and with not caring about who has a weener and who hasn't I think I cut through that bullshit of over-stressing the matter. If you want to hang out in a club where there's ten girls to every guy then go to a dance club, the biggest example of braindead, sexist and moronic assholes will make up the male entourage, but they'll be getting their asses laid whilst you walk home from the punk club moaning about how no girls show up.
Now don't take this the wrong way, I think it's great when girls put on shows and write fanzines/Play in bands whatever, but I also think it's pretty cool that guys do that too…to fawn at the feet of a female zine writer or band member is just so damn patronising. Maybe I'm out of line here, it's been known ya know, but how are you going to "force" more girls to be into punk rock? Tell them that "We'll treat you nicely"? Enforce a lower entrance fee for the penis-free public ? I can't see where you're going with that one. Now I'd love to experience being a girl (without going to prison and sharing a cell with "Big Jake") at a punk show . All those undersexed punk boys staring at my alien body, flirting with those with enough balls to actually talk to me, those 50-1 odds would certainly make me feel special but what happens when being "special" becomes a drag and you just want to hang out, dance and talk? I would imagine it becoming a royal pain in the ass. At times we all want to be noticed but more often than not we all just want to fit in and be part of a gang, for once I believe it's about NOT thinking too much, just be cool people and respect one another regardless of whether the other guy is a girl or not. Ok, so now I've alienated and offended everyone (I do hope that's not the case) I'll pack my bags and clear off. I just want to add that I am currently going out with a girl who's into punk rock and writes zine stuff, when we go to shows together we don't hang out as a "couple" as a rule. We just go, talk to our friends, enjoy the music, dance and treat the event as it is, a fucking punk rock show. I don't require "my" girl to hang onto my arm, if we want to do that then we'll go for a walk, take in a movie or stay in. Sure there's sexism within punk rock, it's everywhere you go, no matter how open-minded or cool people are, when it comes down to it we are all human beings and we have faults. Guys, just have the decency to realise the line between respect and patronage, it's a fine line but with a little thought it's a line you should avoid crossing. I have to go now, several folks wanna kick my ass.

DS