Corruption, I think I'm probably in the best frame of mind to discuss corruption right now. I'm sitting , writing this, in a dimly lit room listening to "The Sea And The Bells" by The Rachel's, home a couple of hours after a CD launch gig and post launch 'party'.

It was a punk gig …. I think …. kind of …. well it was …. I mean it was punk music, and 'punks' were at it …. at least I think they were punks
…. fuck!!
The word. The idea and concept of what punk is, has become, has been so corrupted by its absorption into mass culture that its getting hard to tell what it means anymore. I want it to not be hip and cool anymore. I want my safe ghetto of like minded people back and most of all I want respect for punk back and meaning to be restored. I want the dickheads to piss off away from me because I'm getting tired of fighting the bastards - I really am. Maybe its time I grew up and accepted that things are shit and it's never going to change. That's what I'm supposed to do isn't it? I'm supposed to be burnt out and disheartened, trodden down and beaten by the world. I'm supposed to let the bastards grind me down and be assimilated into the mainstream.

So why can't I do it - even though as a result of trying to do things a different way I sometimes end up feeling directionless, hollow and about as low as it gets, like now. Sometimes I wish I could let it go. I wish I could go "Right, no more doing the zine", or at least if I'm going to do it I'm going to just have fun and fuck caring about the politics or the history or the substance. But I can't, or I won't. Because it's important - because sometimes, just sometimes I really do feel like part of a global community of people who give a shit about things beyond ego, power and money. It's wonderful to feel that there are things being created and worked on out of compassion, plain old passion and a desire to kick against the pricks.

But then the corrupt aspect of punk rears it's ugly head and I feel trapped by a word, associated with people who have nothing in common with and stand for everything I hate. People who can't see beyond themselves, bands and zines who are using punk/DIY to advance their 'careers', the managers, agents, conservatives, homophobes, sexist, racist scum who all masquerade under the banner of 'punk' and DIY who really just don't give a toss. I'm beyond the age were I thought things could be pure - there is corruption in all aspects of life. Some days I get out of bed with the fury and purpose to fight it but there are nights like tonight were the corruption overwhelms me and I can't find the energy to oppose, let alone defeat it.

Corruption is rife. I've heard and read that statement thousands of times, and it's true of the punk/DIY scene at the moment; maybe its always been true of it the way its always been true of life in general. When I first got into the punk/DIY thing it seemed like a whole new world had opened that was active against all the bullshit of life, while now that's only a small part of it, the larger being about business and money.
Corruption is rife, but then so is inspiration if you know were to look and I think that's what 's important to concentrate on and support in the current climate. Its what get me along sometimes. So, to everyone who does it themselves for no other reason than to do it themselves - nice one. Thanks very much for the inspiration and for the helping hand.